i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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