This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
