when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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