I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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