i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
