just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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