I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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