who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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