I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
