There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
