Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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