There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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