DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
