dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize