im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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