My sheets look like a crime scene.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
