have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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