i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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