Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
