Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
