yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
