he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize