covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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