Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
