I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
