I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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