went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
