I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize