I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize