It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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