no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
