Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Randomize
