I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
