if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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