Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
