Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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