Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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