I could make wine with my vomit
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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