i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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