I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
