Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
