I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize