Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
