i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
