ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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