i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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