I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
