His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize