I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
