you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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