I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize