fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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