I just saw a hot homeless man
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
