You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
there is glitter all over my balls
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
