I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
