he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize