I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
