Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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