I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
