Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
