I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
