She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
well you can't waste a boner
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
