I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
