I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
