the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
