New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
birth control should be required to get into college
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
