Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Randomize
