Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
