I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
