When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
