tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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