Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
