If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
