i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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