my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
