Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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