I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
