He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
