It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
