I could have mohawked her pubes.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize