the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
