I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
