I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
