Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
