Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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