Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
