Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
