come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
