You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
