I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
