My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
