I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
