new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
